Introspect

Looking back on 2020

There’s no better day than today to write down everything I want to achieve in 2021, right?! But let’s wait with that just a moment and before I start to plan my new year’s promises and big plans it’s only appropriate to take a look at what I promised myself last year (you can read that from here) and what actually took place. Since 2020 was very much full of unexpected surprises, I would just like to put it out there that personally for me 2020 was one hell of a rollercoaster with very high highs and pretty low lows.

So, as I think about the things I promised myself at the beginning of 2020 more or less did go rather well and maybe even better than I wished for. But I’m gonna share the big things as best and worst..

Best of 2020

So, the first thing I wished for was to improve my cooking skills. This I’ve done, but more thanks to the offer I got about a week after I’ve written down my wish for improvement. Really manifested great for that one! The offer was to become a freelance food editor for a popular women’s magazine here in Estonia. This means every month I have to come up with 15 pages of content for that specific magazine. This involves coming up and making new recipes, taking professional pictures of the dishes, editing those pictures, writing texts, and few more things that I need to get done every month. Now nearly a year in, and this has been such a good opportunity for me through which I’ve become much better and even more confident in my skills of both cooking and taking great pictures. Also the money I have invested in the equipment. I pretty much have everything for a professional photo studio and of course new kitchen appliances. This year I should just focus on learning how to use everything I already own to the max.

The second thing I wrote down was to practice more yoga. I did do that, honestly. I took yoga classes for a few months, but then 2020 surprised us all with a devious bug that made us all stay home, and well pretty much I didn’t do any workouts for some time then and that made me gain quite a few extra kilos, unfortunately. But thankfully some time at the end of 2020 I got my mojo back and started going to the gym and do intermittent fasting so I did lose like 5 kilos and as of today I still want to lose 2 kilos and I’ll be in my ideal weight. Hurray.

And now the best-unexpected high from 2020. I GOT ENGAGED! Ok, it was expected in a way, but when it happened it was very much a surprise and oh so romantic. It took place on a Tuesday, 21st of July when restaurants were open after the lockdown. My boyfriend told me that we haven’t been out to celebrate our anniversary (we do that almost every month on the 15th) so let’s go out to our favourite fancy place and enjoy ourselves. We’ve had super cute and close weekend before so I’ve been all loved up and wrapped in a baby pink love fluff already. Dinner was good and after that, we had a few cocktails at Horisont. Got back home and then there were flowers with a card to a link. Under the link was a page that had lots of pictures and somewhat a timeline of our relationship and on the background was playing Taylor Swift Lover that’s kind of our song because when it came out the lyrics were just so us..

We could let our friends crash in the living room
This is our place, we make the call
And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you
I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, but I want ’em all
Can I go where you go?
Can we always be this close forever and ever?
And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)
You’re my, my, my, my
Lover
I get tears of purest happiness when I go back to this memory. Truly the happiest moment of my life so far and from that moment I fell more in love with my partner than I knew I could… Also this feeling of deep happiness and love helped me overcome the lows that followed.

 

Worst of 2020

With everything good, there is always something bad because good and bad go hand in hand and that’s just the way life is. So I guess it’s no surprise that most bad things that took place last year were connected with what was going on in the worldΒ overall.
We were supposed to buy a house at the beginning of 2020. Everything was going very smoothly and all we needed to get done was sign the contract. But right before we managed to do that the world was hit and so were we and that meant we could no longer get that house and sadly the house we wanted someone else got.

And pretty much from there on I got told that I no longer get to work full-time at the place I was working back then. But still, you know, I was kind of expected to get full-time work done in half time with half the pay. I was heartbroken because I really enjoyed my work and the people I was working with. BUT because my pay very much affects getting a loan to buy a new place together with my partner and also, as in Estonia if one goes on maternity leave the amount they are going to get payed during that leave is from one year before getting pregnant and I am in that place in my life, then the cut on my pay affected that plan too. So as much I wished to stay I had to go and find a new job.

Thankfully I did find a new job, one that I actually really got fond of, but after a month things really started to get strange, uncomfortable, hectic and very stressful. Honestly, I felt like the people over there kind of decided they just don’t like me anymore and out of nowhere, completely all of a sudden I was fired on spot. This was such a devastating moment in my life. I’ve never had that happen to me. I was so messed up for a while and lost all trust in employers. Because who does that?! And what hurt the most was that the moment I was told the news, it was accompanied by a nasty lie that I saw right through at the same moment. As I mentioned this hit me really hard and completely out of nowhere without any warnings (bad leadership, I guess) and I was out of it for a few months. I didn’t even know how to talk about what happened to me without starting to get upset and cry, so I didn’t tell anyone.. but my partner and my therapist. And only now you.

But today I’m good. I’ve been working at a new place for three months and it’s such a different environment. Much more relaxed and people are more real, kind and friendly. A lot of work to get done every day and I get to do just the things I enjoy doing.

And that’s what took place last year that shook me to my core with its highs and lows. But surely enough 2021 is going to be much different with a new mindset and plans for myself. All I’m gonna share in my next post.

 

Stay tuned,
K.

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